November 7

Dear Friends,

Abbot Steve returned home about an hour ago from the 2nd of 3 chemotherapy sessions in this first cycle of treatments. It was a long morning and he is exhausted.

It has been a difficult week. Steve is still working to manage his ever-present pain. There has been some hope that a place of stability could be found which would afford both mental clarity and lower levels of pain, but as of yet that place has been elusive. He is having continuing difficulty with nausea, and his appetite is very limited.

Abbot Steve moves around the house with the use of a cane and still goes into the yard each day to marvel at the beautiful roses that are blooming in their back yard.

Abbot Steve continues to appreciate the well wishes and support he is constantly receiving from family, friends and sangha. He adds that this is a good time to examine the reality of impermanence in all of our lives. And to continue to express our love for each other.

With love,
Abbot Steve and mary

6 thoughts on “November 7

  1. Aunt Judy

    Steve and Lane,
    I thank God and ask blessings everyday for you. I walked this walk with Suzy and still marvel at her strength, clarity and courage. I feel your strength even from Ohio. I am a better person for knowing you and our family is forever grateful for you.
    Much love

  2. Grace Dammann

    Dearest Steve and Lane,
    Thinking about you, moment by moment. I feel like my physical being is here, because of the collective power of this Sangha. Who knows "why" or"how". I just want you both to know that I'm often pleasantly awake in the middle of the night...and readily available for any questions, or chat.

    I love you both...and am beside you, "walking" hand in hand...

  3. I had HPV-induced tongue-base cancer 3 years ago -- 6 weeks of radiation and chemo, plus more radiation (brachytherapy) -- and they killed the cancer (I was lucky, they knew early on that it was highly treatable, and besides they caught it early), but it was rough, lots of mouth and throat pain, a feeding tube for almost four months. I came from Sweden to attend the Tassajara "veterans" retreat in the spring of 2012, thank you for that. I loved the Bodhisattva Blues or whatever it was you sang for us. I've even started sitting regularly again, something I hadn't done for decades. Thank you for your practice, for helping to keep Zen Center going for all of us.

  4. Sherri Nordwall

    Dear Steve,

    You may not remember me, as we had only brief contact before I stopped being a regular at CC, but I have never forgotten your warmth, kindness and sense of fun and humor. Your practice touched me then and now through the reports of others is incredibly inspiring. I have deep gratitude for this teaching you so openly and generously share at a time that is so very difficult for you and your loves ones. Thank you and may things become more stable and less painful

  5. Co-leading retreats with you at Tassajara has made my life richer and more wakeful. The 2008 fire brought us together. I want to let you know I will continue to watch for the Coulter Pines in the Pines area of Tassajara. I am blessed to have shared trail time with you on the path in and around Tassajara. How lucky to I feel to know someone who deeply loves the earth in such an intimate manner. Coulter pines after the fire and Myogen Steve will always carry new meaning… and with them the reminder of life's wildness and gratitude for our capacity to open our hearts. I hear the bell ring out across the horse pasture and attend with wakefulness three breaths and the flood of life pouring in every sense portal. Gratefully... two claps, and a deep gassho!

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